GRAVITYGravity, is working against me...And gravity, wants to bring me down.Oh, I'll never know, what makes dismay, With all the love that is I can't stand, Dream of ways to throw it all away...Oh, Gravity, is working against me...And gravity, wants to bring me down,Oh, twice as much, and twice as good...And can't sustain, like one half cook,It's wantin’ more, it's gonna' send me thru my knees.Oh, Gravity, stay the hell away from me...Oh, Gravity, is taken bad a man at me,How can that be?Just keep me where the light is…Come on; keep me where the light is…After long busy days of coping with Series of Unfortunate Events. I’m trying hard to recover all the memories unfiled. It’s hard to find a good sentence to start. Well, maybe it’s because I haven’t got any concrete subject, until I heard this song; “Gravity” by John Mayer. This is perfectly fitted to what I’ve gone thru.
It seems gravity is pulling me down these past few months. It literally does, and metaphorically. Let us start with the latter. Sometime at May to July, everything is going fine until suddenly, on the later part of August it began to “rain”. Everything that I’m hoping to consistently flow as I planned it to be, is slowly going down. Seems, gravity is working against me. Who manifests? Would I consider gravity as a thing or a man? I say both.
They say life is full of metaphor. I say it is, as gravity perhaps for me is a man. There are some men who are happy and felt fulfilled as they pull you down. I remember a verse on one of Rivermaya’s song:
And so now tell me,
Would it be a better day for you?
If you, bring me down…
Funny but it’s true, that other people lived and became complete by pulling other people down. That is somewhat the same in what we called as “Crab Mentality”. What more can I say with that. Hmmm! I pity them. Well, maybe I should not give time for this worthless topic, let’s just proceed.
Here is an article or maybe a journal of where I’d been, and what I’d been through. I am literally pulled down by gravity sometime at September:
ONDOY’S LIKE THESE
September 26, 2009. Ondoys’ wrath glamour all over the Metro. For over a decade as a resident on this town in Mandaluyong, the possibility of a flood seems infinitesimally flimsy. Since we’re high enough compare to other places along the area. I just gave a cold-shoulder about it and still manage to go thru the market to buy my recipe for our lunch. But as I was returning home, I noticed the tremendous rush of water on the streets and I almost stumbled upon going against its flow. I was terrified when I reached home, everything is floating on knee-high water and I was shocked! I immediately told my in-laws to stay upstairs with the kids, while me and my wife try to save those which are not yet been soaked by flood. But, after I dismantled my computer set and send it upstairs for safety, our fridge fell down into the water, which is now waist high, that’s way too fast. I tried to keep our fridge up, but it was too heavy, so I decided to let it go. Then I told our boarder to go and switch off the breaker, (because the breaker was on their room) as I closed all doors and keep our household secure. The water goes up into my chest, as I swim around the place where I usually couch as a potato while watching TV. I was clearing away our TV, ref, sala set, dining tables, etc. on my path like an obstacle course. Never have I seen such mess in my life. Praise God we had a 2nd floor and that we’re still alive.
The rain continues to rage as if it will never stop. I saw my neighbors leaving their homes and letting the flood devour everything. There are those who’re crying, and there are those who seems like frozen on their seat, watching their stuff immerse in water. As for us, I asked my children to pray. I suddenly thought of those who already gone thru these, as I’ve seen in the news, staying on their roofs waiting for help. That drags me into complete scare, thinking my children, if ever it will happen, if they can stand the cold and the hunger since everything is under water downstairs. I hurriedly asked my wife to find anything that can be use as protective coat against the rain and I rush downstairs to find food and anything useful. It was all dark, I try to figure out where is everything located, but it’s all a mess that I can’t even find our flashlight, emergency light, and others, the water is too deep! I can’t even find my cellphone. I ask my wife for her cp, but neither, she grabbed hers at safety. Good thing my father-in law has managed to keep his own. So we just stay upstairs and waited for the next thing to happen. The only cell number that I remember was from my friend who is living along floodway area, I asked if he can give me a load and any assistance so we can have us rescued, but neither him can’t get out of his house. I tried reaching my relatives, but to my dismay, I reached no one. I started to feel awkward with the situation, I thought of every possibility. What if it continues to rain, and we need to go to our roof? How about my kids having my youngest still on her first age? How are my parent and my siblings doing? How would I ask for help? I just pray, till I passed the longest night of my life.
“BAWAL MAHULOG DITO”
The next day September 27, was Sunday, which is supposedly a very hectic day, since it was our Church’s anniversary and my niece’s birthday as well. The flood has subsided (thanks God it’s easier than those area I heard in the news which is still 6 ft. deep, especially along Cainta, where my relatives lives). Muds were everywhere, leaving its prints on every houses wall like markings of its territory. The electricity has gone out and even the water supply. Everything is running out at stores from candles to can goods, but my worries to my relatives have never run out on my mind. Seeing all the mess, would leave you clueless on where to start cleaning. Which is still useful, and which is trash, they all look the same! At around 2pm, the water turned on. And we little by little sorted out everything. I thought, maybe it’s also a blessing because now every trash has been washed out. At around 5pm, the electricity followed. As the lights goes on, we washed out our living room just like an open garage area. And then, we’ve been able to charge our surviving cellphone. Around 6:30pm when my sister called from Japan. She’s so nervous; she seen the news and learned what has happened. Her children were living with my parent, that’s why she’s so scared and contacted me right away to find their situation as she wasn’t able to communicate with anyone but me. I told her I am also clueless about their situation and was worrying even yesterday as the rain frantically pours for hours. But, I assure her that I will soon find out right after I cleaned up our floors. So, around 7pm, I went to find out the situation of my family at Cainta. Everybody is telling me, even the news, that it is virtually impossible to get an access thru the area. I said, I’ll try, if I can’t manage to go thru. At least I tried, so I pursued.
The Jeepneys were only bound until Rosario, Pasig. So from Rosario, I started to walk. The entire place was on a blackout. Lights from cars and spotlights of Media were the only lights to be seen. Good thing there was no rain. As I was on the floodway area and was looking for a ride on a tricycle, I noticed there wasn’t everyone; they were all busy snooping around an area where a media is doing a report. So, I decided to take a pee first. I was having a few steps when suddenly “gravity pulls me”. The next thing I knew, I was on waist deep water and my jaw and my bodies were aching. Around me is pitch black. I thought, “What happened to me? Where am I right now?” Then I look up, as a warm fluid drops on my shoulder, I saw a silhouette of a man standing… On a “worm’s” eye-view I said “Hey! Help me please…”, with a large tone the man replied, “Is that a man? Hey! What are you doing there?” I wanted to tell him, “Well, just looking around to find out what’s in here.” But, then I said, “Please help me! I fell and my bodies aching…” He pulled me up, and said “Are you alright? Go to the Media and tell them what happened, good thing you’re still alive.” I thank him, and said I’m okay. I decided not to go to the media, lest, I’d be seen on TV and bring worries to my family.
I was little disoriented, as I have no idea where to go, or where I am going. I said I need to take a rest, before I collapsed. I went to a nearby store and bought a bottle of water. The lady asked what happened to me, I said I fell on that collapsed dike of the river. She said “Good Lord you’re still alive! Many have died on that prone area.” I wasn’t sure on what to say, I just said, they should have put something to notice it… Like, “Bawal mahulog dito!” or anything to let the passersby notice there it was. I sat in front a rescue tent, thinking that if ever I lost my consciousness they would noticed me right away. I checked myself. My teeth seem loose particularly on my right molars, the reason why I spit blood. I can still move my arms and wrist but it hurts a bit. When I finally think that I can handle myself, I went home.
HEALS THRU MY KNEES
As I reached home, I hurriedly went on to the bathroom, see myself on the mirror, and took a short shower. My wife asked me what happened. I said we’ll talk about it in the morning and she just might give me a medicine instead. I try to rest on our bedroom. My wife, worried with what really happened, tells me she’ll never stop asking until I tell her so. I said okay; just don’t let my in-laws know so they won’t worry. Immediately after she learned the incident, she wanted to bring me into the hospital, but I refused. I said I would still see to myself if I can handle it. Until morning as I woke up, I can’t move half my body. Everything hurts as I move. So, I decided to go and seek medical help. There we found out on the results of my x-ray examination that my jaws have been fractured, and needs to undergone major operation for a titanium implant, which costs Php50,000.00 the least. I was admitted at once and scheduled for operation, as we try to find where to get that large sum of money. Everyone got panic on what happened to me, visitors start coming by, and I can’t remember how many times we need to tell the story over and over (I wish I have just recorded it or maybe jot it down so I’ll just gave the copy to those who will asks next). I am scheduled for operation on Friday, 5 days after the incident. The doctors said it is an ideal date because my fracture isn’t healing yet. So we’re pressured to get at least 50% of the Titanium implants price, before Friday or else the doctors would find it hard to do the operation. I texted my brother abroad and asked for financial help, he made a cash advance and sent us enough cash to handle the 50% and the medicine costs. Here comes Friday, I was ready for the operation. I never felt nervous or anything. I believe the Lord would take care of me. They even joke me around saying; my “sundo” is there to get me, every time a nurse came to check me. I even felt excited to see what’s inside of an Operating Room. Hours lasts, and I started to get bored, until my doctor came and said that we need to cancel the operation because CS and emergency cases kept pouring in and we can’t find a slot at OR, it will be re-scheduled on Tuesday, so we need to wait again for 4 days. I wasn’t so sure of what to feel, I felt exhausted of the situation that I wanted to finish everything so I can go on with my healing process. Every day that counts is like a month for me. It was the longest week of my life. Maybe the Lord is teaching me to become “patient”, metaphorically, as I am literally. The day before my schedule for operation, a friend of mine came to visit me. She said that I don’t really need to go to an operation, since my bone would heal on its own. She explained to me reasons and ways that somehow I think is the same with what I believe. I believe God made our body to heal on itself. Even the doctors say that. Our bones had healing factors that when you’re fractured, it will find ways to heal itself, and we just need to help it by preventing infection to go thru its process, that’s why we need to take antibiotics. Casts help to stabilize the formation of bone tissues. It boggles me a lot, since the day after would be my operation comes 7am. So, I prayed and ask the Lord for a sign. I said, if in the scheduled time which is 7am, and the doctors and surgeon never came, I will never pursue with the operation. Fair enough I think.
I woke up at around 5:30 am. Since I am not permitted to take anything, even drop water. I decided to take my time reading the bible. I randomly picked a page, and then read which part my eyes would see first. I picked Matthew chapter 8. It is my usual practice every time I look for a passage, to see to it that I read the full context, to understand it fully. So, I also read Chapters 7 & 9. The contexts of these 3 chapters are all about “Faith” (I encourage you to read it for yourself, to understand me better). I was startled after I read it. Then, I texted my wife: “Ma gud am, gcing knb?.. I know this is hard for the both of us, but I prayed last night, the Lord spoke to me and ask me not to pursue with the operation.. I believe the Lord will heal me.. hindi na ko magpapa-opera, hindi rin ako pupunta kay tess, I just need to see another doctor.. so punta ka na dto, now na..” the reply was quick, it says: “Ha!!!!! W8 lang”. Grace arrived at around 6:30am, she assures me if I’m really decided not to undergo operation. I firmly say, “yes, I am”. Passed 7am, when the implant agent arrived. I said, I won’t be needing the implant, ‘coz I change my mind, I just need to know if we can get our down payment in full. The agent confirms us that we can. Around 8am, passed I think, when my doctor came at me red faced but calm. He asks what happened, what cause the sudden change of mind. That, I wasn’t prepared to answer… I can’t specifically say the true reason why I am not pursuing the operation, I was afraid I’d be humiliated if I tell them. I’d just say; we don’t have enough cash to pay for the remaining 50%, and the agent asks us to prepare it right after the operation, which is true by the way. The doctor said, he will handle that. He will ask the agent for terms of payment. I still insist with my decision. Suddenly my brother got mad, and says; ”uwi na ko, inumpisahan nyo, tapos hindi nyo tatapusin, ang dami ng taong na-istorbo”. My doctor also got mad saying that he had done everything and sacrifices his time just for this cause. Mortified I said, “okay… let’s do it”. As if, I’m prepared. My wife told me not to worry about the remaining balance, God will provide; He will help us find ways to get paid. I told her, it’s not about the money, and I know we can handle it sooner or later. If God spared my life, why would He not provide those material things? I just felt I am already healed; I just need a little more time. And now that I’ll get operated, I have to start to heal all over again.
As they were preparing everything for my operation, I prayed. I said; “Lord I am not doing this because I lost my faith in you. I just don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, I tried to keep my faith but I’m afraid they won’t understand. I believe you understand. I lay everything on you, Thy will be done”. Then I silently cried. Exactly 9:30 am when I laid inside the recovery room while waiting for my surgeon to come. The nurse asked me if I’m nervous, I said “no, not at all”. She asked me how much do I pay for the implant, I said 50 thousand. She gasped and said ”ang mahal naman”. Well, I have no idea. As I was left lying and waiting, my thoughts were running: what if the Lord is firm that I should not pursue this? What will happen to me? Well, I said come what may.
I woke up with extreme pain; while I’m still under general anesthesia. The nurse asked me if it still hurt much after he injected me something, I said yes. I was so thirsty like I’ve not tasted water for a week, so I keep on asking for something to drink. But they say it’s not permitted until such time. Somebody said “Tapos na Aldwin”, I guess it’s my doctor. Then I lifted my oxygen on my nose and said “ gumagana ba ‘to?”, coz I feel it’s not working… the nurse said, “opo, gumagana yan, tulog lang kayo”. So I closed my eyes and slept. When I woke up, I am travelling on a stretcher going out of the recovery room, there I saw my wife, who’s happy to see me awake as I’m still sedated. I woke up on my room, hardly trying to open my mouth but hopeless. I communicate with a pen and paper, first thing I ask was water. I also find it hard to move, ‘coz every time I did, as if something pinches on my neck. And there goes, PEN-G again, my most hated antibiotic. Somehow, it reminds me of my prayers, and finds comfort, thinking Christ suffered much pain than what I’ve been experiencing.
I thanked God for the success of my operation. I am dealing with my recovery now, as my knees were pulled down by “gravity”, day after day.
