Saturday, November 3, 2012

Packed to the future

“Packed to the Future” 

By: Aldwin M. Ayao (July 2010)

 A lot of people (maybe almost everyone) who knows me don’t understand what I’m doing with my life. Most thought that I’m getting miserable and out of control with regards to my future. What they don’t understand is the way I see the Future

The way we see the future is how we react and what makes us move the way we do; the reason behind our every decision, priorities, and principles in living. It is much larger than Hope, because hope still holds uncertainty behind our mind. We unconsciously meant hope as “wish” or a kind of “personal prayer” which we don’t usually, rather actually, believed 100% to materialize soon.  

VISION is different. It’s how we see the future from our subconscious mind. It flows in us, and shows us what it was like to be there soon. Vision is like a Rocket on a “Locked mode”. It’s what makes it [rocket] fly in all directions. It doesn’t “hope” to hit the target, but it will fly to meet the target. Vision and purpose I would say is relevant. Once you have the vision, you’ll have your purpose. I would further explain my own personal vision to give some perspective view on what I’m saying. 

 Two years ago, I made a vision of how the animation industry should be on the future. So, I made a decision. “I shall make a change.” It is not a hope or an ambition; but a decision. Months later, contradictions pour in. obstacles hinder yet I cope hardly, until I was metaphorically and literally “pulled by Gravity. That incident gave me enough time to pause for awhile, and think logically of what I’ve done and makes me realized everything I left behind. It gives me a clearer view of the future. Then, I return to my journey, keeping "still" along my path, while those I came to pass through, throws “ Bad reviews”, some “booed” at me, and others pretend to go with me, but later on shows their true intentions and use my “halo” to pull me down once again. Yet I kept my sight focused on my direction. I said, “I’ll get there, no matter how it would be; walking, running, I’ll crawl if I had to.” 

 Along with those struggles, is a heart bleeding. Not with helplessness but with mercy and pity with those who got involved on my passion. My Family. My wife specially, does not appreciate or even discriminate me for what I am doing. 

What people don’t understand is that I never chose to serve “two masters” at the same time. I never value money. If I do, I may have a lot of it now, as I have the power to have it on my position as an Operation Manager of my former Studio. A lot of offers on Job, business proposals and career abroad had been brought to me. Yet, I stay focused on my vision. If I would work for money, I’d rather stay jobless. 

My Lord and my “Master” proved to me that he’ll never forsake me nor leave me. So long as I stay to serve His name more than anything else [Mat. 6:25-33, Rom. 8:38]. I have experienced that! He provides. Perhaps, if I chose money over my vision: would my children value it or appreciate every cent of it soon? For awhile maybe. But later as it diminishes along with time, so as my name and dignity as a father. What I see, my vision; is my advocacy. My epitaph I carry to the future. And that is priceless and worthwhile than any priced possession. 

I remember a phrase of how we work for money and why we value it:

 “I take the ditch
 To get some money
To buy some food
 To get the strength
To take the ditch.” 

 See? It’s a cycle! And some [maybe most] are comfortable with that. I am not.
How can we break the cycle? Simple, change the purpose somewhere there… 

Why do you have to take the ditch? 
Why do you need to get some money? 
Why do you need to buy some food? 
Where do you get your strength? 

Once you have a different purpose, you’ll have a different answer, and you’ll have a different future.

Then the Lord told me: 
"I will give you my message in the form of a VISION. Write it clearly enough to be read at a glance. At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the FUTURE. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting -- it will happen!". 
(Habakkuk 2:2-3)CEV *emphasis mine.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009



Gravity, is working against me...
And gravity, wants to bring me down.
Oh, I'll never know, what makes dismay,
With all the love that is I can't stand,
Dream of ways to throw it all away...

Oh, Gravity, is working against me...
And gravity, wants to bring me down,

Oh, twice as much, and twice as good...
And can't sustain, like one half cook,
It's wantin’ more, it's gonna' send me thru my knees.

Oh, Gravity, stay the hell away from me...
Oh, Gravity, is taken bad a man at me,
How can that be?

Just keep me where the light is…
Come on; keep me where the light is…

After long busy days of coping with Series of Unfortunate Events. I’m trying hard to recover all the memories unfiled. It’s hard to find a good sentence to start. Well, maybe it’s because I haven’t got any concrete subject, until I heard this song; “Gravity” by John Mayer. This is perfectly fitted to what I’ve gone thru.

It seems gravity is pulling me down these past few months. It literally does, and metaphorically. Let us start with the latter. Sometime at May to July, everything is going fine until suddenly, on the later part of August it began to “rain”. Everything that I’m hoping to consistently flow as I planned it to be, is slowly going down. Seems, gravity is working against me. Who manifests? Would I consider gravity as a thing or a man? I say both.

They say life is full of metaphor. I say it is, as gravity perhaps for me is a man. There are some men who are happy and felt fulfilled as they pull you down. I remember a verse on one of Rivermaya’s song:

And so now tell me,
Would it be a better day for you?
If you, bring me down…

Funny but it’s true, that other people lived and became complete by pulling other people down. That is somewhat the same in what we called as “Crab Mentality”. What more can I say with that. Hmmm! I pity them. Well, maybe I should not give time for this worthless topic, let’s just proceed.

Here is an article or maybe a journal of where I’d been, and what I’d been through. I am literally pulled down by gravity sometime at September:


September 26, 2009. Ondoys’ wrath glamour all over the Metro. For over a decade as a resident on this town in Mandaluyong, the possibility of a flood seems infinitesimally flimsy. Since we’re high enough compare to other places along the area. I just gave a cold-shoulder about it and still manage to go thru the market to buy my recipe for our lunch. But as I was returning home, I noticed the tremendous rush of water on the streets and I almost stumbled upon going against its flow. I was terrified when I reached home, everything is floating on knee-high water and I was shocked! I immediately told my in-laws to stay upstairs with the kids, while me and my wife try to save those which are not yet been soaked by flood. But, after I dismantled my computer set and send it upstairs for safety, our fridge fell down into the water, which is now waist high, that’s way too fast. I tried to keep our fridge up, but it was too heavy, so I decided to let it go. Then I told our boarder to go and switch off the breaker, (because the breaker was on their room) as I closed all doors and keep our household secure. The water goes up into my chest, as I swim around the place where I usually couch as a potato while watching TV. I was clearing away our TV, ref, sala set, dining tables, etc. on my path like an obstacle course. Never have I seen such mess in my life. Praise God we had a 2nd floor and that we’re still alive.

The rain continues to rage as if it will never stop. I saw my neighbors leaving their homes and letting the flood devour everything. There are those who’re crying, and there are those who seems like frozen on their seat, watching their stuff immerse in water. As for us, I asked my children to pray. I suddenly thought of those who already gone thru these, as I’ve seen in the news, staying on their roofs waiting for help. That drags me into complete scare, thinking my children, if ever it will happen, if they can stand the cold and the hunger since everything is under water downstairs. I hurriedly asked my wife to find anything that can be use as protective coat against the rain and I rush downstairs to find food and anything useful. It was all dark, I try to figure out where is everything located, but it’s all a mess that I can’t even find our flashlight, emergency light, and others, the water is too deep! I can’t even find my cellphone. I ask my wife for her cp, but neither, she grabbed hers at safety. Good thing my father-in law has managed to keep his own. So we just stay upstairs and waited for the next thing to happen. The only cell number that I remember was from my friend who is living along floodway area, I asked if he can give me a load and any assistance so we can have us rescued, but neither him can’t get out of his house. I tried reaching my relatives, but to my dismay, I reached no one. I started to feel awkward with the situation, I thought of every possibility. What if it continues to rain, and we need to go to our roof? How about my kids having my youngest still on her first age? How are my parent and my siblings doing? How would I ask for help? I just pray, till I passed the longest night of my life.


The next day September 27, was Sunday, which is supposedly a very hectic day, since it was our Church’s anniversary and my niece’s birthday as well. The flood has subsided (thanks God it’s easier than those area I heard in the news which is still 6 ft. deep, especially along Cainta, where my relatives lives). Muds were everywhere, leaving its prints on every houses wall like markings of its territory. The electricity has gone out and even the water supply. Everything is running out at stores from candles to can goods, but my worries to my relatives have never run out on my mind. Seeing all the mess, would leave you clueless on where to start cleaning. Which is still useful, and which is trash, they all look the same! At around 2pm, the water turned on. And we little by little sorted out everything. I thought, maybe it’s also a blessing because now every trash has been washed out. At around 5pm, the electricity followed. As the lights goes on, we washed out our living room just like an open garage area. And then, we’ve been able to charge our surviving cellphone. Around 6:30pm when my sister called from Japan. She’s so nervous; she seen the news and learned what has happened. Her children were living with my parent, that’s why she’s so scared and contacted me right away to find their situation as she wasn’t able to communicate with anyone but me. I told her I am also clueless about their situation and was worrying even yesterday as the rain frantically pours for hours. But, I assure her that I will soon find out right after I cleaned up our floors. So, around 7pm, I went to find out the situation of my family at Cainta. Everybody is telling me, even the news, that it is virtually impossible to get an access thru the area. I said, I’ll try, if I can’t manage to go thru. At least I tried, so I pursued.

The Jeepneys were only bound until Rosario, Pasig. So from Rosario, I started to walk. The entire place was on a blackout. Lights from cars and spotlights of Media were the only lights to be seen. Good thing there was no rain. As I was on the floodway area and was looking for a ride on a tricycle, I noticed there wasn’t everyone; they were all busy snooping around an area where a media is doing a report. So, I decided to take a pee first. I was having a few steps when suddenly “gravity pulls me. The next thing I knew, I was on waist deep water and my jaw and my bodies were aching. Around me is pitch black. I thought, “What happened to me? Where am I right now?” Then I look up, as a warm fluid drops on my shoulder, I saw a silhouette of a man standing… On a “worm’s” eye-view I said “Hey! Help me please…”, with a large tone the man replied, “Is that a man? Hey! What are you doing there?” I wanted to tell him, “Well, just looking around to find out what’s in here.” But, then I said, “Please help me! I fell and my bodies aching…” He pulled me up, and said “Are you alright? Go to the Media and tell them what happened, good thing you’re still alive.” I thank him, and said I’m okay. I decided not to go to the media, lest, I’d be seen on TV and bring worries to my family.

I was little disoriented, as I have no idea where to go, or where I am going. I said I need to take a rest, before I collapsed. I went to a nearby store and bought a bottle of water. The lady asked what happened to me, I said I fell on that collapsed dike of the river. She said “Good Lord you’re still alive! Many have died on that prone area.” I wasn’t sure on what to say, I just said, they should have put something to notice it… Like, “Bawal mahulog dito!” or anything to let the passersby notice there it was. I sat in front a rescue tent, thinking that if ever I lost my consciousness they would noticed me right away. I checked myself. My teeth seem loose particularly on my right molars, the reason why I spit blood. I can still move my arms and wrist but it hurts a bit. When I finally think that I can handle myself, I went home.


As I reached home, I hurriedly went on to the bathroom, see myself on the mirror, and took a short shower. My wife asked me what happened. I said we’ll talk about it in the morning and she just might give me a medicine instead. I try to rest on our bedroom. My wife, worried with what really happened, tells me she’ll never stop asking until I tell her so. I said okay; just don’t let my in-laws know so they won’t worry. Immediately after she learned the incident, she wanted to bring me into the hospital, but I refused. I said I would still see to myself if I can handle it. Until morning as I woke up, I can’t move half my body. Everything hurts as I move. So, I decided to go and seek medical help. There we found out on the results of my x-ray examination that my jaws have been fractured, and needs to undergone major operation for a titanium implant, which costs Php50,000.00 the least. I was admitted at once and scheduled for operation, as we try to find where to get that large sum of money. Everyone got panic on what happened to me, visitors start coming by, and I can’t remember how many times we need to tell the story over and over (I wish I have just recorded it or maybe jot it down so I’ll just gave the copy to those who will asks next). I am scheduled for operation on Friday, 5 days after the incident. The doctors said it is an ideal date because my fracture isn’t healing yet. So we’re pressured to get at least 50% of the Titanium implants price, before Friday or else the doctors would find it hard to do the operation. I texted my brother abroad and asked for financial help, he made a cash advance and sent us enough cash to handle the 50% and the medicine costs. Here comes Friday, I was ready for the operation. I never felt nervous or anything. I believe the Lord would take care of me. They even joke me around saying; my “sundo” is there to get me, every time a nurse came to check me. I even felt excited to see what’s inside of an Operating Room. Hours lasts, and I started to get bored, until my doctor came and said that we need to cancel the operation because CS and emergency cases kept pouring in and we can’t find a slot at OR, it will be re-scheduled on Tuesday, so we need to wait again for 4 days. I wasn’t so sure of what to feel, I felt exhausted of the situation that I wanted to finish everything so I can go on with my healing process. Every day that counts is like a month for me. It was the longest week of my life. Maybe the Lord is teaching me to become “patient”, metaphorically, as I am literally. The day before my schedule for operation, a friend of mine came to visit me. She said that I don’t really need to go to an operation, since my bone would heal on its own. She explained to me reasons and ways that somehow I think is the same with what I believe. I believe God made our body to heal on itself. Even the doctors say that. Our bones had healing factors that when you’re fractured, it will find ways to heal itself, and we just need to help it by preventing infection to go thru its process, that’s why we need to take antibiotics. Casts help to stabilize the formation of bone tissues. It boggles me a lot, since the day after would be my operation comes 7am. So, I prayed and ask the Lord for a sign. I said, if in the scheduled time which is 7am, and the doctors and surgeon never came, I will never pursue with the operation. Fair enough I think.

I woke up at around 5:30 am. Since I am not permitted to take anything, even drop water. I decided to take my time reading the bible. I randomly picked a page, and then read which part my eyes would see first. I picked Matthew chapter 8. It is my usual practice every time I look for a passage, to see to it that I read the full context, to understand it fully. So, I also read Chapters 7 & 9. The contexts of these 3 chapters are all about “Faith” (I encourage you to read it for yourself, to understand me better). I was startled after I read it. Then, I texted my wife: “Ma gud am, gcing knb?.. I know this is hard for the both of us, but I prayed last night, the Lord spoke to me and ask me not to pursue with the operation.. I believe the Lord will heal me.. hindi na ko magpapa-opera, hindi rin ako pupunta kay tess, I just need to see another doctor.. so punta ka na dto, now na..” the reply was quick, it says: “Ha!!!!! W8 lang”. Grace arrived at around 6:30am, she assures me if I’m really decided not to undergo operation. I firmly say, “yes, I am”. Passed 7am, when the implant agent arrived. I said, I won’t be needing the implant, ‘coz I change my mind, I just need to know if we can get our down payment in full. The agent confirms us that we can. Around 8am, passed I think, when my doctor came at me red faced but calm. He asks what happened, what cause the sudden change of mind. That, I wasn’t prepared to answer… I can’t specifically say the true reason why I am not pursuing the operation, I was afraid I’d be humiliated if I tell them. I’d just say; we don’t have enough cash to pay for the remaining 50%, and the agent asks us to prepare it right after the operation, which is true by the way. The doctor said, he will handle that. He will ask the agent for terms of payment. I still insist with my decision. Suddenly my brother got mad, and says; ”uwi na ko, inumpisahan nyo, tapos hindi nyo tatapusin, ang dami ng taong na-istorbo”. My doctor also got mad saying that he had done everything and sacrifices his time just for this cause. Mortified I said, “okay… let’s do it”. As if, I’m prepared. My wife told me not to worry about the remaining balance, God will provide; He will help us find ways to get paid. I told her, it’s not about the money, and I know we can handle it sooner or later. If God spared my life, why would He not provide those material things? I just felt I am already healed; I just need a little more time. And now that I’ll get operated, I have to start to heal all over again.

As they were preparing everything for my operation, I prayed. I said; “Lord I am not doing this because I lost my faith in you. I just don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, I tried to keep my faith but I’m afraid they won’t understand. I believe you understand. I lay everything on you, Thy will be done”. Then I silently cried. Exactly 9:30 am when I laid inside the recovery room while waiting for my surgeon to come. The nurse asked me if I’m nervous, I said “no, not at all”. She asked me how much do I pay for the implant, I said 50 thousand. She gasped and said ”ang mahal naman”. Well, I have no idea. As I was left lying and waiting, my thoughts were running: what if the Lord is firm that I should not pursue this? What will happen to me? Well, I said come what may.

I woke up with extreme pain; while I’m still under general anesthesia. The nurse asked me if it still hurt much after he injected me something, I said yes. I was so thirsty like I’ve not tasted water for a week, so I keep on asking for something to drink. But they say it’s not permitted until such time. Somebody said “Tapos na Aldwin”, I guess it’s my doctor. Then I lifted my oxygen on my nose and said “ gumagana ba ‘to?”, coz I feel it’s not working… the nurse said, “opo, gumagana yan, tulog lang kayo”. So I closed my eyes and slept. When I woke up, I am travelling on a stretcher going out of the recovery room, there I saw my wife, who’s happy to see me awake as I’m still sedated. I woke up on my room, hardly trying to open my mouth but hopeless. I communicate with a pen and paper, first thing I ask was water. I also find it hard to move, ‘coz every time I did, as if something pinches on my neck. And there goes, PEN-G again, my most hated antibiotic. Somehow, it reminds me of my prayers, and finds comfort, thinking Christ suffered much pain than what I’ve been experiencing.

I thanked God for the success of my operation. I am dealing with my recovery now, as my knees were pulled down by “gravity”, day after day.

Oh mysterious force that gives essence to weight;
You made me stumble upon my faith,
I seriously fell upon your bait;
Hidden by darkness, I’ve known too late.

Was it your pleasure, to pull me down?
Is it my leisure, which you disown?
Was it my grave, where you’ve me thrown?
You failed! ‘Though gave me a fractured bone.

I renounced your will, thru my Lords’ name.
You’ll never get to me again.
My Lord and Savior shall put you in shame;
And never will you be entertained.

Cast upon your native rant;
Are serious curse, no one would want.
How you enjoy those words you throw;
Along my back, seems I don’t know.

Wish you don’t belong along my past;
I’ve given you my outmost trust.
Something that you do not deserve;
I can’t feel you upon my nerve.

Belonging to a natures’ force,
Oh, you are not; so never boast.
Neither your lame words; nor your deeds,
Gave you the pride, you always greed.

This poem was divided into two parts; thus, nullify the true meaning of the word. Look upon those verses; where I concealed an idea whom/what I meant.


Practice the PAUSE:

When in DOUBT, pause;
When ANGRY, pause;
When TIRED, pause;
When STRESSED, pause;
Because by pausing, we…
Breathe deeper,
Clear the mind,
Take a view in different perspective,
Even your HEART needs rest.

This was sent to me thru SMS. I never knew who sent this, yet it has a remarkable sense of timing on my behalf. So, I guess the sender knows me well.

Shackled by solitude, as I simmer the latest provisions of my life; I paused awhile. Gathered all the emotions and thoughts to seemingly pry the reasons and causes of what I’ve gone through. Cornered by a statement that this happens for a purpose, I lost somehow, with any profound explanation of what it could be. Transverse upon a vocation or a punishment, the mystery and the misery of my afflictions was construed upon the verses of the book of Job. I spent days groping the meaning and somehow finds comforts that I just needed a “pause”.

Yes. Maybe God, somehow just given me a pause. I am practically a very busy person, always cramming with time and effort, to fill each day with unpublished heroism driven by my hope that I could change the discrepancies of the present. I lost track of time. Thinking I have spent it wisely and effectively, because I am always full of things-to-do, but I never noticed that I am actually wasting my efforts, with unaccustomed “deceit of profile standards”. Truly time can neither be saved nor wasted. You can only spend it wisely, otherwise let it consumed itself. We cannot redeem time. Yet, we can redeem our lost/wasted self by mesmerizing and contemplating, refining our sanctum for a renewed purpose. I needed a pause. To understand fully what the past is teaching me. I needed a pause. To scrutinize each character that came in contact with my bygone. Like a self imposed “imaginary quarantine”. I needed a pause. So I can induce some revisions on my habits. I needed a pause. To begin, to rest, to assure, to examine, to restore, to end and to start all over again. Pause.


All the light that shines outdoor;
Smoothly runs away from the shore.
The golden sky that I adore;
Had sank and gone on oceans floor.
Just a few time of masterpiece;
This gives me joy and untold peace.
Just like the sweetness of a kiss;
Few time to spend, but long to miss.

And now that all the sorrow’s gone;
After some tiring day at Sun,
It’s time for peace, so take a rest.
Come on my friend, hush on our nest.
Tomorrow would be another day;
Tonight is just the time to pray.
That may we can make it each day;
Without any sorrow or debts to pay.

Pause awhile…

All Insanes' Day

"All Insanes’ Day"

Gladly I am here now poking my fingers on the keyboard, as I practice the biblical system of typing, “seek and you shall find”. There are truly some wonderful reasons to be thankful about; First and foremost, that I am still here celebrating “All Saints’ Day”, and not being celebrated or being remembered. Where I believed, I should be.

What is really an All Saints Day? It is a common misconception, that it is being celebrated as the Souls’ Day. Practically, I found it difficult to understand the reasons to celebrate “Death”. When I was a kid, often I was brought to North Cemetery by my mom to visit and celebrate some kind of reunion at my grandmothers’ tomb. I wonder why they were preparing foods that are usually found during special occasions. As if they were celebrating the loss of my Grandmother. I grew never minding the reasons for this event. Well, has anyone on my era has ever thought about it? Someone told me that, it is not a celebration but rather remembering the dead for once in a year. Whatever the reason, it is a misnomer I consider.

Death is inevitable, as Time and Change. Yet it is an inconsiderable fact to accept for many. Not all of us are prepared to die. Some find it a creepy topic, frightening, and sad but true. Neither have I had the courage to say I’m ready to die. I mean, I’ll be ready but, not as soon as now. Being a Christian I learned that death should not be treated as an enemy, but rather a friend who will bring you to where you’re supposed to belong. I know and I strongly believe in heaven where my Lord prepares a great mansion for me. That way, it feels kind of exciting to meet Death isn’t it? Might as well, it will bring me to an eternity of comfort, peace and untold joy. Having all my afflictions recently, I would love to meet and greet Death along with its’ promises. But somehow, I began to realize, that it would be a selfish act to say or wish for that as soon as now. It’s like getting away from a “warzone”, and waiting safely in a hideaway, considering that you will be honored and celebrated along with all those who fight, as soon as the war is over. I feel I haven’t fulfilled my purpose yet in this world. I was just beginning. That’s why; I wouldn’t want to meet Death as of the moment. But by the Lords’ will, I will abide.

Bringing back the topic; November 1 is All Saints’ Day, while November 2 is All Souls’ Day, pardon me but, I didn’t see the difference. Both were celebrated as Souls’ Day. Where’s the day of the Saints? Does it mean that all the dead were considered as saints? It’s insane. Such a strong word maybe, but, for me it’s an “All Insanes’ Day”. Saints according to Bible concordance; is Christians; people whom God has made holy. A saint can be either a Christian who is alive on earth or one who is already in heaven (Eph. 1:1). Now, how come only the dead have been celebrated? Or are all the dead holy? Where’s the celebration of the saints? In honor of all the saints, I appeal. That I guess is the issue with our traditions. Most are insane act (Mat. 15:3). This is not a big issue I agree, yet considerably wrong. I wouldn’t say much about this; lest, I’d be called antagonist by the Catholic Church. Let’s just see again for my next topic “Time and Change”. 



I’ve done everything,
And tried all the things,
I heard and learned to get IT.
Was IT possible?
I go on places, I make faces.
Yet I found no traces of IT.
I heard I’ll find IT; with my friends,
There were some but not totally IT.
IT was in love.
Guess I’ve got some,
Yet never have,
IT never comes.
IT was on religions.
I’ve followed the legions.
Since birth IT wasn’t there.
IT was to be a sinner.
I’ve been for quite awhile.
Though I’m not the meaner;
I served my own exile.
IT was to be alone.
I was alone all the time;
Yet, IT has given me none.
Of what, I want to find.
IT was being free.
Do what you wanna’ be;
Play with all the things you see.
But, being happy, IT can’t be.
As you get your penalty,
to be IT.
So again I ask where IT could be found?
‘Guess IT wasn’t in my world;
Maybe on some other world.
Someday, when I’m tired;
And I’m ready to go beyond.
I’ll go and find IT.
Yet I fear I can’t tell you;
If IT had been there.
‘Coz no one has ever care,
All o’those; that’d been there.
No one came back to tell us so.
IT was there, where they’ve gone through.
‘Guess they all were content.
‘Guess they were much at home.
‘Guess they were too busy.
… To be IT.

Monday, February 23, 2009


I was so fond of making quick poems, and it has come to my notice one day at another sites forum about horror quickies. So, I grab a "post-it" paper and quickly ran my pens' ink on it...
Here's two of those I've finished...


I saw you at the park one night
and there we began to talk.
I found you sad and in despair
so I invited you for a walk.

For long hours we stayed together
and I began to cry,
I was so touch with all your stories,
my feelings couldn't lie.

You touched my face,
then thank and kissed me,
those lips I can't forget.
But as you said goodbye and leave me,
my pants began to wet.
My knees gone shaking
I wanna run,
I'm frozen at my seat.
'Coz you were floating
as you were gone,
I'd never seen your feet.


I was amazed with your beauty, as you sipped your sweet champagne.
I am indulged with serenity, as we were walking in the rain.
Liquors spirit’s prompting me, but my hearts’ will shall remain.
I ‘wanna asks, where could we be, Can we just sleep on my domain?

Entangled on my passion, I was healed alas! As you say…
You would love to be on my cushion, on a very subtle way.
Cleverly said, I never questioned, I really wanted you to stay.
Let us feed up our emotions; this may be my lucky day.

The moon stares with a smile, as I wander upon your breast.
The moans were music on the aisle, while there’s a drum roll on my chest.
The excitement blurred awhile, as I began to get undress.
You want it with your style; you want my pole to be caressed.

I wanna explode! Your mouth’s an oven; the heat arises as you blow my thing.
I cannot handle it more often, as you keep stroking on my bling…
Oh baby, let your hips come open; let’s give purpose on this thing.
Let the pleasure of a man, goes along with what you bring.

Slowly I peeled her up, as I was kissing her with bliss.
I was excited to get my “staff”, being swallowed by her gist.
All of a sudden I stopped... I hate it! I was so pissed.
Because she also got a stuff, much longer than “my piece”.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


This was originally entitled “Money”. I made a revision on the lyrics and the title to keep the obverse not too obvious…

Some men creep and beg for pity,
For just a piece of Silver.
So many lives had gone so dirty,
For just a piece of Paper.

How many men will still honor Gold?
And how many women will still let their honors sold?

For Money…
Oh, it sounds very funny
When you were loved by many,
Coz’ you still got plenty of Money,
‘Til you were broke and empty,
You’ll see them gone so easy
… So easy.

My teacher once ‘sez,
The Earth rotates,
On its axis produces dates.
Well, as I have seen, as I have found
It was Money,
That makes the world go ‘round.

Some do say, it’s the “Source of Sin”
Don’t put the blame, for what we’ve been.
‘Coz for me it’s just a toy that plays us all.
Who’s the Master and the Puppet?
Is for us to call.

Now that’s it. Nothing more to explain. Thanks a lot for sparing some time…


Here’s another lyrics of the couple of songs I made…

I’ve been too much busy
Of things I often do.
Just to kill the loneliness
That I always carry thru.
My problem filled mind always
Makes me to forget you.
Coz’ I thought, that you’re not there
No need to call you too.

Now I’m here in these lines
And asking for your forgiveness.
And whispering these words, please hear:
“I’m sorry my dearest.”
I know what you feel,
How you carry all those sadness
And how much I loose the trust
From you, I’ve been so foolish.

Sorry, that’s what I meant
For those tears that fell down
On my cheeks, from my eyes
I feel so much alone.
But now that we’re together,
You would never see me frown
Coz’ you were the brightest
Among the diamonds of a crown.

It was originally (as most of my songs) a poem. This was the first song I tried of doing with music. Although, I find it hard to record it since I cannot play any instruments. I thank Jon for that matter. I specifically made it for someone, yet, I made a revision of this for the purpose of making it a gospel song. Comments and suggestions are still welcome.

A Goals' Soul

“If you never attained your Goals in Life, it’s either, you haven’t done everything to attain it, or the goal is not really attainable.” - Rudyard Kipling

As New Year comes, definition of the word goals, plans, resolutions, dreams, ambitions, came up on everybody’s mind like fireworks on display. Everyone has their own favorite phrases, to define what is said to be the ”bulls-eye” of success. I will fall short to say that it is indispensable for success. Yet, it will be a dishonor for the word if I threw it out to the garbage. I just want to make a statement neither to deny the benefit of the word, nor to praise its meaning. A lukewarm comment isn’t it? It is not to cause a predicament on its thought, but rather to stress something on my personal point of view.

Rudyard Kipling precisely gives the essence of what is goal is all about. It is undisputedly true that a goals pre-existence makes it worth its existence. Let me explain it a little more. I believe that goals were made because of something you want to achieve or attain. Without that “something”, your goals are worthless. Now, to achieve that “something”, you must do all you can in order for it to materialize. If you haven’t attained your goal, it means you haven’t done everything to make a “goal” worth. Or maybe, it is worthless to say that it’s a “goal”, coz it is unattainable, right? A cherry on a dart board were never been there, if it is impossible to hit. Likewise, you should never make a goal, if it’s impossible to attain. Or should I say, if you’re not willing to attain. Whatever, just a thought.

- Carpe Diem

The Manual

I would like to start this with a story…

On his birthday, being awarded as “best in reading” on his class, a boy was so glad to get his favorite remote controlled toy from his father, but there’s this one thing included in the box that he was not sure about. It was properly boxed, but upon its looks, he can never figure out what is that thing he’s holding. So confused, he just kept it on his drawer, thinking it was something of no use at all. One day, his favorite toy has broken and he was so eager to fix it but, he can never find a way to make it work again. As he is about to keep it on his drawer, he came to see the mysteriously looking object on his drawer. It was the thing included on his gift that he got from his father. So, he held it up, tried to look at it from all its side, but still can’t figure out what it’s all about.
“Hmm… I guess I can use you with something else,” he thought with a grin.
So he put it on his pocket, and ran to his sandbox and played making a sand castle using the mysterious looking object as fancies. Suddenly, the rain pours. So he quickly ran toward their home to avoid getting wet. As he was watching the rain, his father came on his side, kissed him and asks: “How’s your day son? Have you enjoyed the toy that I gave you?” “Yes Dad, but it’s broken now, no matter how I tried, it couldn’t work anymore.”
“Oh, maybe it ran out of battery.” said his Dad. “Battery?! What’s that Dad?” asks the boy. “It was the thing that makes the toy work, I believe there was a spare included in the box.” explained his Dad.
“So it was a battery, I thought it was just something of no use, so I played it along with my sandcastle.” told the boy. “What do you mean? You mean you left it there under the rain?”, “Now it’s done! It’s totally broken”…
“I’m sorry Dad; I never knew its use.” The boy pardoned.
“You should’ve asks me first, or at least read the manual. I thought you’re good in reading? Why haven’t you used those skills? It’s useless, so as your toy.”

Now, try reading it again changing the italicized words as:

Best in reading, reading (your talents)
Favorite remote controlled toy, the box, gift, toy, (Life)
His Father, Dad (God)
Battery (purpose)

What about the Manual? ... Go, figure it out.

Why have I written such story? I actually made it to emphasize, or maybe to site a perspective view of what I want to discuss—The Purpose.

At this point in time, it is an amicable advice to seek one’s purpose. I once heard someone sez; “The most tragic moment to a man’s life, is not knowing his purpose.” Furthermore, another says; “If you’re trying to hit at nothing, you would definitely hit it.”

I do not want this to sound like any Christian preaches, so I would constructively make it like a plain advise, lest, I may sound pre-eminent.
Going back to the story, the child who has no clue of the “thing” has mistakenly used it from what its real purpose. The Dad advices that, if he had only read the manual, using his profound skills (reading), he might have known its usage and not waste its purpose. Finding one’s purpose is like a Treasure Hunter looking for his treasure. He must have a map to find it, or in the case of the child, a manual to know the purpose. The question is, Where can we get the map or how can we get a manual? The answer, it’s included in the “box”. The most precious gift we had is our Life. Its manual comes from the “Creator of Life;” there we will find the purpose of Life.

To conclude this, I would like to use the words of Rick Warren from his popular book (I’ll not say the title, you’ll surely find it. It’s popular like I said)…

Contrary to what many popular books, movies, and seminars tell you, you won’t discover your life’s meaning by looking within yourself. You’ve probably tried that already. You didn’t create yourself, so there is no way you can tell yourself what you were created for! If I handed you an invention you had never seen before, you wouldn’t know its purpose, and the invention itself wouldn’t be able to tell you either. Only the creator or the owner’s manual could reveal its purpose.

I hope I have given the point. I hope you find the purpose of this article.

- Carpe Diem

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


This is one of the couple of songs I composed along with my friend jon. I remember as I was writing the lyrics of this, jon was doing the chords for the other song which I can't remember the title by now. Maybe on coming days, I'll be posting out some of the songs that we have made. Oh, Mountain Hike, was one of those. ( mostly it was made overnight, as we were having our inuman sessions). Here's one of my favorite, it was done for about an hour I think. I finished the lyrics for about 30-40 mins. then jon, made the chords for about 20-30 mins. I guess...


Hang me upside down, then cut my neck.
Peel up my skin and locked me at the upper deck
Drain my blood out to the ground
Or hit me with a sonic sound.

Pull out my nails then put a leech
Peel out my heels and ask me run unto the beach
Cursed me with the best witch you knew
Or you can turn me into a stew.

Do these things I beg of you,
kill me softly if you do...

Slash my neck
And bury me alive,
Or bring me to a cannibals tribe,
The worstiest death
Well, I could take
But please, Oh please
Don't give me HEARTACHE !

I'd go blind folded for a firing squad,
Sit on an electric chair, though I ain't bad
Ask me to jump on the tallest hill
Or slam my face with the hardest steel

Burn myself alive, if you wanted to
Or cut my poor body into two,
Kiss a lion while he eats my head,
Oh, tell me how would you want me dead.Hammer Head

Monday, December 1, 2008


This maybe not a nice time to write. But, I'll take this chance to pour out my heart. Maybe I'll just edit it at the right time. But as for now I gonna write what I feel, as of now, I'm on some kind of self realization. And I'm gonna take it right from the heart.

I always feel alone when times get rough, and i always take it seriously. There is this one place I always go, when times like this. Actually, I always went to this special place during my birthdays. But it seems I haven't gone there for two years. That's why, I wanted to go there now. One unforgettable moment in my life happens in this place. And It's coming back to me now. Sorry, if I am pouring it right here, it doesn't matter I think. Just hear me as I say...

I got my little world
where I go when I bored
There where I throw all my sorrow
Drowned all the smile I borrowed.

It's the only place I see
Which is
perfectly made for me
If you'll ask me where would it be?
well, it's found beside the sea.

I love hearing the waves
Breaks on rocks with raves
It encourages me to be brave
from the challenges that He gave

And whenever I saw the sunset
I remember the time we met
all the pleasure that I get
That I'll treasure on my death.

Whenever you're sad my dear
And when you were in tears
just go to the "Breakwater"
And you will find me there.

That's it, guess I'd said so. I can't add anything to that by now. One of these days I'll gonna edit this. But for now, let's just take it from here.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Mountain Hike


Abound to a higher ground,
where I can't hear but nature sound.
'Though nature is beautiful and green,
still I can't appreciate the scene.

There is something that I'm looking for,
that I can't find beyond my lore.
When I looked up where eagles soar,
I still can't find what to adore.

I reached unto the mountains peak,
but still I can't find what I seek.
And when the mountain had gone bleak,
Oh, how I wish to see your cheek.

I looked at trees, where orchids lay,
and every flowers on my way,
still I can't find a reason to say,
that all o' those can complete my day.

The waterfalls that speaks so loud.
The rocky steep that seems so proud.
It is indeed a beautiful view,
But what it is, when I seek was you.

Oh, how I thought that I would found,
what beauty is on natures ground.
But as I go on "Mountain Hike",
I found that it was you, I LIKE.